Godly Relationships
3-30-25
There are a number of different realms that we all live in as human beings. One realm that we are all part of is society. A society consists of people who have certain mutual interests with one another. People in a society interact with one another and share institutions like schools, banks and stores. Societies also share a common culture. Culture consists of how we dress, what we eat, the kind of music we listen to and how we relate to our family members. All of those things set our society apart from other countries and other areas of the world.
Another realm that we are a part of is the workplace. Everyone who works has a workplace of some sort. Some people have white collar jobs others have blue collar jobs. For some the workplace might be a cubicle in an office while others drive a truck or work in the fields. Even those who are retired from the workforce still have things that they do that keep them busy and a workplace of some sort. A workplace is something that we are all apart of or at least that we can relate to.
Family is another realm that is a part of everyone's life. We all have a part to play in our families, some role that we fill. For instance, I was a son, and I am a husband, father, brother an uncle. Some families are close knit and do a lot of things together, other families aren't as close and don't spend too much with each other. We are all a part of a family.
The last realm of life that should be a part of everyone's life is the church. As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are all a part of God's family; we are members of His church and belong to this local congregation that He has established and brought us to.
No matter what aspect or realm of life we're talking about, there are some general overarching goals and standards that God expects us to maintain and uphold. What God expects from His children is that they maintain an exemplary testimony to the unbelieving world that we live in. We must be seeking to live blamelessly in all of the realms of our lives.
The last couple of sections of 1 Peter that we have looked at the past few weeks, have focused on the word submission. Peter commands believers to be submissive in the realm of society by submitting to the civil authorities. He goes on to command us to be submissive in the realm of the workplace by employees submitting to their employers. This morning, Peter continues the thought of submission by looking at the family and who and how we are to submit to one another in that realm. Let's read 1 Peter 3:1-7.
There are six verses in this passage devoted to wives submitting to their husbands, but only one verse devoted to husbands serving the needs of their wives. At first glance, that might seem a little bit out of balance. But we need to look at this from a first century perspective, not from today's perspective.
In first century Greco-Roman culture, women received little or no respect. A girl was totally under her father's ultimate life and death authority over her as she grew up in his house. That pretty much didn't change after she was married. Then she was totally under her husband's ultimate life and death authority over her. Society then viewed women as mere servants who were to stay at home and obey their husbands. They had very few rights and were regarded as nothing more than property.
So when a wife became a Christian, there was a great potential for difficulty in the marriage, much more so than if the husband became a Christian first. If the wife got saved without the husband also coming to the Lord, it would have caused shame and embarrassment for the husband because it was viewed as an act of defiance by the wife.
But it wasn't just that a wife's salvation could bring shame and embarrassment to the husband. A wife's salvation and her decision to change religions on her own could also result in severe verbal and even physical abuse from her unsaved husband. When that very thing happened, a wife needed to know how to respond to her husband so that she might win him to the gospel. That's what Peter is helping wives to understand in this passage.
In light of what Peter and other writers of Scripture had to say about husbands and wives and their relationship within the bonds of marriage, one thing is absolutely clear: women are spiritually equal to men in Christ. Still, God has ordained women to have certain obligations to their husbands. One of the main obligations that they had was to be submissive. (vv. 1-2).
To submit means to "be subject to or rank under." There is an almost universal negative reaction to that word. Especially as Americans, we are independent and free and don't like the thought of being submissive to anyone for any reason. But if we look at what Peter is saying here with that mindset, we're going to miss the point.
Submission does not imply any moral, intellectual or spiritual inferiority in the family, workplace or society in general. Wives are not inferior to their husbands in any way, shape or form. But God has designed the family and the marriage relationship with certain roles for both the husband and the wife. The wife's role is to be submissive to her husband. But there are limits to submission. For one, Peter is not saying that all women are to be servile to all men in all contexts. It also doesn't mean that wives are to submit if their husbands are abusive to the point of endangering the woman's health and life. They aren't to submit in the sense of being nothing more than a servant to the husband. They are not to submit to their husbands if he wants his wife to do something that would violate God's law and God's will.
Paul adds some thoughts about the marriage relationship in his first letter to the Corinthians. A believing wife had the responsibility to stay with her unbelieving husband. If he wanted to stay in the marriage, she wasn't to divorce him. 1 Cor. 7:13. But, if the unbelieving husband did not want to stay with his believing wife, she wasn't to compel him to remain in the marriage. 1 Cor. 7:15.
There was a good reason why believing wives were to try to do their best to stay married to unbelieving husbands. Through her submission, she might be the instrument God uses to win him to Christ. The wife's godly behavior is the most valuable testimony to open the husband's heart to the gospel. At some point, he will need to hear the words of salvation, but his observation of his submissive, faithful wife is a powerful witness for bringing him to the Lord. Wives should submit to their husbands not because their husbands deserve it, but because it reflects the character of God to their husbands. How a believer lives in that most intimate relationship helps make the grace of Christ believable.
That is true of all of our relationships inside and outside of marriage. We need to live our lives in a way that honors Jesus and reflects well on His reputation. We need to seek holiness and righteousness in all that we do and say and think. Living that way is a powerful testimony to a watching, unsaved world.
But we can't just live it, we also need to verbalize the gospel message. If we speak words of witness to the lost but live like a heathen, they're not going to care what we have to say about Jesus. If we live the way God wants but never say anything about salvation, it won't be enough to bring people to Christ. But if we live righteously and speak the gospel, that is a powerful combination that God uses to impact lives and extend His kingdom.
Peter also says here that in addition to being submissive, a wife also has an obligation to be respectful to her husband. That means she relates to him in a godly manner. She seeks to love him the way God loves us. Being respectful also means that even though she is not a household servant, she still has a servant's heart toward her husband. To show respect a wife shouldn't publicly berate her husband; she shouldn't nag him all of the time; she should be willing to follow his lead and go along with his decisions as the head of the house, as long as that leadership and those decisions are in line with what God desires and commands.
Peter also tells wives that they have an obligation to be modest. (vv. 3-4). In that culture, women were devoted to superficial adornment. They would wear the best cosmetics, dye their hair outlandish colors, and even wear costly jewelry on their heads as a sort of crown to highlight their elegant clothing. In fact, that is still something that many women seem to be preoccupied with.
We need to make sure that we don't misunderstand what the apostle is saying to us here. There is no prohibition in Scripture on wives or any woman styling her hair, wearing jewelry or lovely clothing. That is something women have always done and it's OK. The point is that those external adornments are not to be the preoccupation or main concern of a woman. The way a woman looks will not matter when it comes to trying to be a good witness to an unsaved husband. Peter is challenging women to avoid sacrificing their spiritual character at the expense of physical appearance.
Again, there is nothing wrong with any of that, unless it becomes some sort of god to you. Any woman or man who worships outward beauty as the priority of life has the wrong priorities. All of those external trappings do nothing to contribute to spiritual transformation. The most important thing that women can do is to be devoted to beautifying their heart. 1 Tim. 2:9-10.
Christian wives and women should be devoted to the lovely adornment of godliness. They should exhibit a gentle, humble meek attitude which is expressed in patient submissiveness. Focusing on true inner beauty is pleasing to God. The Lord is most pleased when a believing woman's modest yet thoughtful and lovely adornment reflects her inner beauty.
So there is a lot of information there regarding wives and we really didn't even cover all of it this morning. But the passage we read today isn't only about wives; Peter also addressed husbands. Peter only gives one obligation to husbands in this passage. They are to serve their wives. (v. 7). In the same way refers again to the duty of submission. Here, Peter refers to the believing husband who is to submit to his wife by serving her.
How do husbands serve their wives? One way to do that is to be considerate to them. Peter says we are to live with a woman in an understanding way. Understanding speaks of being sensitive and to consider and respond to the wife's deepest physical and emotional needs. The word lives refers to more than just dwelling together, it refers to living with someone in intimacy and cherishing them. Eph. 5:25-28.
We can also serve our wives by being chivalrous. Peter says wives are weaker because they are women. Just as submission does not imply inherent inferiority, so the word weaker does not mean the wife is weaker in character than her husband. It also does not mean women are spiritually inferior to men. It just means that women generally possess less physical strength then men.
How can we be chivalrous? One way is to open doors for them. You don't have to do that, but it is one little way of showing some honor to your wife. In whatever way you can, put your wife first. Do for her what needs to be done. Help around the house. Tell her you love her. Surprise here with an unexpected gift now and then. Have her back when others may be attacking her. Don't go around whining and griping about her or whatever problems you may be having in your marriage. Those are simple easy ways for you as a husband to be chivalrous to your wife.
Husbands also need to be compassionate to their wives. Peter says to show her honor as a fellow heir. Husbands and wives are co-heirs because they are equal recipients of God's saving grace. Grace means unmerited, undeserved favor. Salvation is a gift of grace from God and so is a marriage relationship. Marriage is a gift of grace because He provides it for us even though we don't deserve that kind of love. I know that I certainly don't deserve the love that Lisa shows to me.
We can show compassion to our wives simply by cultivating a friendship with them. Lisa is not only my best friend, she's about my only friend. A lot of this makes sense to us, but it was radical back in Peter's time. Intimate companionship in marriage was a foreign concept in Peter's day. Husbands then were generally uninterested in friendship with their wives. They only expected her to maintain the household and bear children. That is a wrong way of looking at marriage. Christian husbands are to cultivate all the richness God designed into the grace of marriage by serving them through consideration, chivalry and compassion.
Whether you are a husband or a wife or a single person, God has certain expectations for how He wants us to live. What God expects from His children is that they maintain an exemplary testimony to the unbelieving world that we live in. We must be seeking to live blamelessly in all of the realms of our lives. Part of living blamelessly involves being submissive in all of our relationships. As we live like God wants and put others first, He will use us to save souls and change the world.
As our singer and musician come now, we invite you to respond to God's working in your life. If you need to join the church, or follow in believer's baptism or share some other concern or prayer with the church or with me or just God, then now is the time and as our singer and musician come now, we invite you to respond as we stand and sing.
Prayer.